| The Randomness. |
[Aug. 11th, 2009|05:57 pm] |
THE RANDOMNESS
Life thus far has been somewhat of an adventure! Living independently, managing my own funds and just getting by daily. Its a challenge, but Im enjoying every minute of it. I set out to prove to myself, along with my family and friends that I can be responsible and grow as an individual. That to me, is the main objective of this internship in Shanghai. In retrospect, I've actually earned my own keep before through part-time jobs in Starbucks and Restaurants. I've never however been in absolute control of my funding. In those cases, there was always some form of support. These 3 months however, are seeing me living completely as an individual. I kinda like it, the alone time takes my mind off a heap of things. What things? Well maybe people and situations that should not be affecting me as much as they should. Friends always say I overthink. Its time to Un-think. (If that makes any sense)
I wont deny that after 2 weeks or so living alone, Im not starting to feel some sort of a pull. MSN can't fulfill the personal and amazing feeling you can only get by directly speaking to someone you care about. I've always felt it were to a degree impersonal and cold anyway.
(Yes, despite my future occupation I am an enourmous skeptic of technology)
Letters on the other hand still maintain some form of what I'd like to call "true touchpoints". They communicate to a degree, a certain honest and genuine feeling about them and I intend to begin writing some of these as soon as I can.
Throughout most of my life, I've had no problems just getting by on my own. Sometimes in the absence of friends for long periods of time.
That is not to say I do not treasure my friends, quite the contrary rather. So many people right now mean the world to me. In any case, there have been many a time where I wander about or prop myself in a quiet (and fittingly serene, tranquil, what have you) space away from the world to think things through. Some call it "Emo". I call it seeking refuge from war. A constantly raging war where opinions and thought are flicked about like switches to a lamp. One moment in bright absolution, the other in dark and horrible manifestations. This is why there is a need for escape. I'd rather stop to understand what is going on in the hurricane around, then be openly swept away by the gust.
Despite this trait of mine, I am finding it harder and harder to maintain my optimism. Very slowly, but surely.
I am starting to miss people that have left imprints in my feelings and thoughts, really nice ones. These are the sparks that stay with you throughout the months, the days, the years. They are like undying candles, ones that could light the way in any dark place.
In any case, I am still very much excited and looking forward to each day!
Taking each day with the question of " what's next?" and the notion to "Let it be" (Thank you John lennon)
has served me well for 18 years, and I'm sure it'll continue to do so.
In 2 Months I'll be able to bring that number to 19! Time sure flies.
Let It Be - The Beatles
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
Signing Off,
Christian
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